Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Memoirs to myself


Life is so weird.  That’s all I can think.  You go through the ups & downs of a day, and you try to control all the little things that keep your life in order; just so you can continue to keep up with that lifestyle, continually stacking more & more into the same time frame that we’ll always be under.  Things add up so quickly.  If the goal of life is to maintain the attitude of a child – that is, an everlasting thirst for discovery – then we shouldn’t load our days with so many activities that only water-down the true essence of life.  To live, to live together, to enjoy & to enjoy together.  There is very little in this life that remains the same, and our lives are definitely not included.  We are here to experience life, not to control the world as so many people attempt to do.  Even the most powerful men in history died.  They died shitting in their pants & releasing their own liquids all over themselves in a way that shows man as he truly is:  totally & completely out of control.
On one hand, I know that I have the ability within myself to make millions of dollars, own a mansion, a boat, have 2.5 kids, and take vacations around Europe.  On the other hand, I also realize that at least 90% of my "awake time" would have to be dedicated to making that happen.  Would I enjoy that 90%?  Absolutely not.  Would others around me enjoy the fact that I can make anything happen with money?  Probably most of them.  So, what's the point?  People live their lives trying to fit in and do the things that advertisers tell us make us cool & happy.  Why can't I be happy on my own terms?  I guess to find the answer to that question, I have to find out what's important to me.  Here's a list of the things that are truly important to me in life:
- I want to enjoy myself regardless of what others around me are doing (their mood should not affect mine)
- Discovery:  of all kinds
- quality time with family
- quality time with friends
- Learning to be content when I'm "bored"
- Connecting on a deeper level with others
- Learning how to be a good friend to people that are tough to be around
- Learning how to be as open-minded as I wish other people were

Overall, I want to be happy doing whatever it is I'm doing at any moment in time.  So, how do you get there? Life isn't always up.  It's not always fun.  It has dips, and deaths, and heartache.  How do we deal with life when it's so hard?  "They" say not to turn to drugs in rough times, but it sure is interesting how my friends who experiment with drugs have a keen ability to see things for what they really are:  pointless.
Shit happens.  Get over it.  Let it go.  Enjoy the family & friends & support that you have around you.  Sad happens.  Embrace it.  Be sad. Let it stir inside of you until the reality that our lack of control is just a part of life.  
When you're happy, be happy.  Remember it. Take pictures.  Stop complaining.  Complaining about things or others is weakness.  Be strong.  Be strong enough to rise above the ignorance of others.  Be strong enough to say "fuck it" & move on even when you don't feel like it.
Feelings are temporary.  Actions are permanent.  Stop taking out your own bitter thoughts on others.  It's not their fault I'm crabby.  It's my fault.  Own it.
Live. Always live.